Sigh… you ever commit to something thinking it is a good thing and an amazing opportunity all to find that maybe it isn’t looking like such a great idea after all?

One of my biggest…. two of my biggest peeves are people who talk a lot of shit. Not the funny kind of shit but the kind where after so long of someone talking shit or continually gripping and nitpicking every single little thing you know they’re just being assholes. People like that take something that I can understand and turn it into something that has no basis other than not liking the person. At that point, you start to question whether anything they say has any merit to begin with.

To me, people like that are using that particular person or thing as their scapegoat to offload their personal irritations, basically, no matter what they say to you, they hate whomever they are talking about. So when they say something to you like, “I have nothing against so and so” or “I am not one to gossip but…” well you KNOW they re full of shit and there is something undisclosed going on and YOU are in the middle of their crap.

UHG! I hate being in the middle of people’s shit. I hear it all the time, people talking so badly about other people. Maybe they like to tell me these things because I never say anything to the other people but like I said in another post, there are time when you have to say something. Not saying this particular thing on my mind is not one that needs to be said but it does bother me though I do wonder at what point it will become a campaign to slander this other group of people and create a rivalry. I am not down with that since I actually like the people he talks so badly about.

What it makes me feel like is that this opportunity I have gotten was offered to me NOT because I am good at what I do but because that person burned their bridges and would have chosen other people if they didn’t fuck it up. I mean, it’s obvious when nearly all the people that person complains about are people who are better at what they do than that person is EVEN though that person seems to feel their skill is superior. I don’t see it but I won’t say that since that person is still better than I am but seriously, it doesn’t take a GrandMaster to see. It’s obvious. I suspect that person knows it deep down and hates it.

Secondly…. people who cut off others when they are speaking. Today my personal peeves are stemming from one person but I can’t help it. This person hit two nerves high on my list of things I hate so….

I have given my commitment to help this person achieve their dreams/goals despite what I have already ascertained from the amount of garbage this person says YET a lot of that was inferred because this person never lets me finish my sentences. So I would start off answering a question but that person would fill in the blanks with their own version of what he thinks I am thinking and expounding on ideas that are derived from that own person’s feelings, not mine. See peeve 1.

So I be like, “well, this and that, does frustrate me but..” and then I am cut off and the conversation becomes a one sided conversation to which I just shake my head yes because there is no point in trying to intervene to correct what that person is saying because doing so keeps being met with more interruptions so inside I just roll my eyes and try not to let it get to me even though it annoys the living shit out of me.

I question whether or not I can work with this person. I won’t even work with my husband who has asked me a million times to be his secretary and I would be paid but I tell him all the time, “I would rather stay married”. See, he has things that also annoy me and I know better than to work with that. I love him to the Moon and back but to work with him, nope. In our marriage we are equals, in his workplace we are not and that would be a problem for me. hahahaha

Now, I have no real obligation to this person although I do feel bad that that person up and purchased me a uniform without even really detailing or asking me about anything. It was more an offhand acceptance of helping that person that become something more than that and I was really just thinking I was going to help here and there for demos NOT going to meetings that haven’t even been formally arranged having been led to believe that these meetings were already scheduled. That’s really fucking shady to me and I don’t appreciate that ESPECIALLY since I hate meetings and talking to people formally.

I am a uniquely informal person and I have mad anxiety but I was just sorta put into it and I really don’t want to go. It’s tomorrow and somehow I have this feeling that it’s not going to go so well and I will either have to take over the conversation because this person will probably not really listen because this person clearly does not really listen even though when I called this person out on it the response was, “but I already know where you are going with that” and I thought “NO YOU FUCKING DON’T DICK HEAD” and when I tried to say ‘no you don’t’, I was cut off again so I just said, “I don’t care if you know or not, you NEED to let people finish speaking.”

Somehow I don’t really believe that that will sink in and if it keeps happening I will quit because I can’t work with that. Life is far too short to be volunteering my time to someone who cannot respect my thoughts enough to hear them and I didn’t ask for the uniform AND the lessons promised in exchange for my time…. well, it’s not really meeting my expectations. I think mostly because that person doesn’t do a very good job explaining things.

There’s this saying from Lao tsu in the Tao te Ching, “those who speak don’t know, those who know don’t speak.” It’s like this other saying that I think Richard Dawkin’s said, it could have been someone else but I forget who said it first, he said something to the effect of, “those who know the material well can explain in a few word. Those who don’t know talk in circles.” It was something like that meant to express that if (in this instance) he really understood, he’d be able to teach me in few words. Because peeve #3 for me is people who talk too much. OY VEY!!! lol SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!

This is HOW I know that these other people who he speaks down on are better at their art than he is but you can’t tell a person who doesn’t want to hear the truth, the truth.

PS. I get the irony of my blog. lol

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