There are so few things in life that I don’t feel like I can do and Jiu Jitsu is one of those things. I signed up for it thinking that I need to improve my ground defense because for as small as I am, it is entirely likely that I would be taken to the ground… well against very tall people.

After a couple weeks I realize that that is not for me. I will probably go just once a week because my joints and age just cannot keep up with all the young adults. I mean, I am 42 years old being bent and chocked by 20 year olds with years under their belts and believe me, those folks do not make it easy on anyone.

I genuinely do not like to quit anything unless it is not worth my time but I think I just cannot keep up. I have a shoulder issue that was injured again. Not their fault and my fingers are are sore as fuck, and I have bruises all over. I tell myself it is okay because to be sure, I AM in pretty good shape for as much as I have put my body through but I am just too tired.

I also feel like they will laugh at me and call me weak and all that because the mental attitude (though I appreciate it to a degree especially among women) is that anyone who can’t is a “pussy”. I guess what I am saying is that I actually DO feel like a pussy but I also know that there is no way I can prevent further injury in shoulder and also keep up enough energy to keep my house running as well as keep working on getting my black belt in Kung Fu.

SO I admit defeat. I have been defeated. lol but I have mad respect for those who do jiu jitsu because it is one of the most physically taxing things I have ever done. If I had started earlier in my life I am 100% sure I could hang but with peri-menopause, arthritis, and a shoulder that is repeatedly injured I just have to say no.

I don’t know if I will completely drop out because I do still want to learn ground defense especially when the world seems to have some vendetta against women and think of women as property but hopefully if I keep working on my Shou Shu skills, I won’t be taken to the ground and have to depend on that aspect to protect myself.

But seriously. I feel like a pussy and definitely wish I were young again. Not that 42 is super old but with age, the body just doesn’t keep up like it used to. lol. That sounds soooo old!

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