The Blue Balloon

Last night I decided I would try one of those guided hypnosis meditation session on clairvoyant development by Erik Brown.

ball shaped balloons blue blur
Photo by Diego Vitali on Pexels.com

A little background.  I don’t see shit when I close my eyes. I see lights at times, like colors and all that and often what looks like people or images that look more like silhouettes but as far as visualization that many people claim they can do, I cannot do that.

So I am laying there on the couch with my headphones in and listening and visualizing in my own way what he is saying.  When I visualize, I don’t actually see anything but more like I paint pictures with an invisible pen, if that makes any sense.  At one point, I am pretty sure I drifted off but only for a moment before I woke myself up or maybe he did, I don’t know really.

Then he starts talking about visualizing balloons.  You have five balloons in your hand and you are going to let each of the go one by one.  I am am stuck on a blue balloon.  For some reason I cannot stop thinking about having a blue balloon.  I don’t know if I even got to the point of imagining that I was letting it go because it became this repeated phrase in my head, ‘blue balloon’.

Then I get really pissed off for some reason.  I am mad at the blue balloon.  I am not sure if that was what the guy intended but it’s how I felt.  Then he starts talking about the colors of the balloons.  I am supposed to visualize the colors.  He starts: red, purple, green, white… then I am like, “okay now he will say blue balloon” but he says black!

And I don’t know why it irritated me so much but it did.  Who doesn’t pick a blue balloon and why is it eating away at my brain?  Later nearing the end of the session he says to write down anything that you find repeating.  I am like WTF?  Clearly I can’t stop thinking of the blue balloon.  He says there is a point to and I wonder this morning if what’s blocking my third eye is that I am currently holding onto something I cannot let go of.

You see,  I HAVE been having a hard time clearing my own energy and body of a negative experience that happened not too long ago because  it effected my spirit and bothered me very much.  While I have made much progress in letting go and moving on.  I do know that there is something lingering that I am having trouble detaching from.

Now, I just need to know exactly why I am having trouble letting go when I have been through much worse in my life and have let it all go without much trouble at all.

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