Something happened today not too long ago that has happened before.
I was talking to someone I knew once as a kid and he showed me a picture that must have been taken when I was about 14.
It was just a picture of me in my room eating a sandwhich but there were things on the wall and an ild poster of the Grim Reaper for a black light.
And for whatever reason, my stomach dropped and my heart started pounding and I have been uptight and uneasy since I saw it.
I had forgotten about all those things but like with everything else I cannot seem to remember, I am left with the feeling of dread, saddness and something other feeling that I can’t explain except that it is making my stomach hurt.
And for some reason I don’t remember much from then. I have a couple of memories but for the most part I draw a blank.
It feels like the other times that something happened and out of no where I remembered something I had forgotten and what I remembered those times aren’t things I wanted to remember.
I never go home. Sometimes I feel like I want to because there were things that I loved but I get this feeling of something and I don’t want to have anything to do with the place anymore.
The feelings I have make me feel like throwing up and I feel angry and I feel like I hate everyone and everything about that place.
And now I cant get it out of my head. I feel conflicted. I can’t remember anything and I don’t want to but my brain won’t seem to let it go and it’s trying to fill in the blanks and I just don’t want to remember whatever it was I forgot.
I had a terrible childhood eventhough I don’t remember much of it. It goes from 11 to 14-15 and only a few things between but all the things I do remember, they’re not of my family and that’s troubling me at the moment.
I don’t recall ever thinking about this time period but now that I am, I really don’t remember and it’s probably better that I don’t.