Repressed Childhood?

Something happened today not too long ago that has happened before. 

I was talking to someone I knew once as a kid and he showed me a picture that must have been taken when I was about 14. 

It was just a picture of me in my room eating a sandwhich but there were things on the wall and an ild poster of the Grim Reaper for a black light. 

And for whatever reason, my stomach dropped and my heart started pounding and I have been uptight and uneasy since I saw it. 

I had forgotten about all those things but like with everything else I cannot seem to remember, I am left with the feeling of dread, saddness and something other feeling that I can’t explain except that it is making my stomach hurt. 

And for some reason I don’t remember much from then.  I have a couple of memories but for the most part I draw a blank. 

It feels like the other times that something happened and out of no where I remembered something I had forgotten and what I remembered those times aren’t things I wanted to remember. 

I never go home. Sometimes I feel like I want to because there were things that I loved but I get this feeling of something and I don’t want to have anything to do with the place anymore. 

The feelings I have make me feel like throwing up and I feel angry and I feel like I hate everyone and everything about that place. 

And now I cant get it out of my head.  I feel conflicted. I can’t remember anything and I don’t want to but my brain won’t seem to let it go and it’s trying to fill in the blanks and I just don’t want to remember whatever it was I forgot. 

I had a terrible childhood eventhough I don’t remember much of it.  It goes from 11 to 14-15 and only a few things between but all the things I do remember, they’re not of my family and that’s troubling me at the moment. 

I don’t recall ever thinking about this time period but now that I am, I really don’t remember and it’s probably better that I don’t. 

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