Strange Dreams

I have been having several dreams about natural disasters lately. 

The first was a fire that engulfed a large LARGE area of land that was too hot to put out. 

Then something I can’t remember today but I remembered it at the time. 

Last night was a flash flood that came down my street from one side and withdrew quickly then came around the corner from the other side and the water was so deep I watched a giant freshwater sunfish swim by followed by other fish migrating into the new underwater forest. 

They say that menopause (transitional) causes strange forbidding dreams. I wonder if that is what’s going on.  I have had several other dreams that were foreboding lately plus this months menses was five days late and super light and short. 

The sporadic menses is obviously attributed to hormonal fluctuation so that’s probably what it is. 

It’s still hard to believe I have reached that age. I look to be in my mid/late 20’s still so talking to people about it usually causes some guffing. 

Women can be so weird like that. You’d think you’d get some support or understanding but instead it’s like they look at you as if you’re lying (why would anyone lie about that?) or something else I can’t really describe. 

I wonder when the change actually started to occur?  My best guess is about 3 years ago when I started to notice that I was feeling unusually bitchy and tired all the time when then became different menses so I started keeping track. 

Then it became dizziness, extreme fatigue and the dreaded hot flashes which have tapered off a lot over the last year. 

I still get them often enough but not anything like it was a year ago. It was driving me crazy! 

I was thinking the other day that I was worried before that it was too soon and that they call it premature ovarian failure except that I haven’t officially stopped having menses yet. 

At this rate, I will actually be forty before an official state of menopause has set in so technically, I wouldn’t be any different from the statistics.  

They say it happens between 40 and 60.  That’s a wide gap but it’s still what it is. 

They also say that women who start their cycles later in life also start menopause earlier than others.  That would be the case for me IF that is true. I didn’t start until I was 14-15. 7th grade BUT I was also held back so it would have been 8th grade. 

I hear girls are starting at 10 but it’s common around 12.  Who knows. 

Anyway. The transition trips me out sometimes and it sucks that I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Most of the women that are in that stage are there because they had reproductive surgery so it hit them quickly. 

I do think that my body is really ending that phase soon.  It seems every few months brings something new and the last few have been in time but then a lot lighter and with shorter duration than ever before. 

I suspect they’ll continue to dissipate  over the following months. It’s kind of nice though. I hate working out during that time. 

I always feel uncomfortable. Then again, they can be so unpredictable that I worry like a teenager who hadn’t yet learned how to track her cycle. lol. Just don’t wear white. 

Other times I feel like it’s an honor. My bodies way of congratulating me on making it through that stage…hmm.  Must be why I have been craving more cheese and cereal lately. They say calcium starts to deplete too so maybe these things are true and my body is giving me clues to what it needs to stay healthy. 

Still can’t believe I am pushing 40 already.  I have always planned to live to see 101.  I have also have this strange fascination with “feeling” what it’s like to get old and to see how much the world can change in 100 years, what i will look like with grey hair and wrinkles too. 

Didn’t think it would start in my 30s, then again, just 60 years ago, 30 was considered “old” and a 1000 years ago, you’d be “ancient” to live past 37.  

People forget that the human life expectancy has increased twofold but we take it for granted. 

People get upset about the seeming increase in cancer rates, some related to environment and lifestyle choices but for the most part, most aren’t even diagnosed until their late 60s and 70s which sometimes makes me think that cancer may be part of the natural dying process. 

That sounds like an obvious conclusion but we don’t usually see it that way.  Cancer being caused by abnormal cells and/or cell death in old age seems as natural as their cycles/phases we go through in life. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am still heartbroken by the idea of cancer and it’s never easy to lose a loved one to it especially a child (which I do not believe is natural but caused by cell mutations caused by environmen or genetics) will ever be easy but just like so many other things in life, old age cancers are like the unintended consequences for increasingife expectancy.  

Nothing in life was meant to live forever so I count my blessing, so to speak, for even having the opportunity to live. 

On Earth, life seems granted. In many ways it is but in the realities of the Universe and all the chaos and all the obstacles that life in general had to endure to survive even up to our ancestors just 200 years ago seems like a miracle. 

Life is a hostile place, what’s that Christian saying, “as we walk through the shadow of the valley of death.” It’s an extremely poetic way of saying what I have said in too many words. It’s a beautiful disaster. 

I wish people would do more to remember how phenomenally lucky we are to have this once in a lifetime opportunity to: see, smell, touch, hear, feel, create, explore, imagine, move, and ponder.

We have even managed to leave the 🌏.  So much to love about Life hidden in the most obvious places of who we are as humans. 

Anyway. 

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