Can’t sleep 

I think drinking black tea after dinner is keeping me up. I am wide awake. 

I have things on my mind too. I am upset that my kid gave me an “about mom” card for Mother’s Day and it said “my mom is good at doing things in her phone.” 

It pissed me off although I didn’t say that. I just smile and laughed.  It’s frustrating to not have any friends and the only socializing I get to do is on Facebook and most of the time I don’t even do that. 

99% of my time is just reading or writing BUT because parents on their phones has become the “you’re a bad parent mantra, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing. What kids see is parent in phone. 

If I am reading from a book, news paper or magazine then it is acceptable. If I am writing in a book journal than it is acceptable but if it’s on a device then it is not. 

There’s no way around a judgemental world. Someone always has some way to stigmatize something. 

I have written about how isolating the world has become a few time and how stuck in the circle we have become. 

I didn’t even use Facebook until a few years ago when we moved here to this stupid town but I use to write a lot for work before I got kicked out of that too for having anti- theist views in god. 

I guess it doesn’t matter though because what my kid sees is what is important. Maybe I should just give up, admit defeat and be surprised when the world falls apart so I can be judged and blamed for not caring enough to do anything about that either. 

You just can’t win in this world. Really though, it’s this town. If they aren’t meth addicts, rapists, gangsters or pedaphiles they are white, Jesus preachers with a self righteous stink on their breath with a white American pride and confederate flag waving ego to match. 

I try to make the best of it. I wonder what my kid would say if I was gone at work all the time?  What would she say about what her dad is good at? 

It’s unfair actually but what can I do?  Maybe she has it right. Nothing that I read on the internet makes me feel good anyways. 

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