Sad. 

I feel sad. I have been avaoiding much of the news the last couple days. The extent of inhumanity that I have been seeing makes me sad and angry. 

It makes me so angry that I cannot even comment or share my thoughts because doing so just makes me more mad. 

Mad because it’s futile. Our own representative went on national tv to say that the protests, one of which I went to, were paid liberal organizations. In other words, were paid to protest but. It genuine in our vehement concerns. 

Instead of recognizing us, he called us liars. The audacity confounds me to the point where it’s useless. 

I feel frustrated because I bought a gun that I hate even having in my home but because the arrogance and total lack of bipartisanship in the WH and the many concerning things I read and hear really do scare me. 

And what would I do, what would a gun do?  Nothing. It would do absolutely nothing against military police barging into my home to do who knows what because 44 gave them authority to do whatever they need to do to get rid of illegal immigrants. 

I don’t know any and I think going that route is dangerous especially since the doubled down immigration policy makes it so suspects are the same as convicted. 

Leaving the door open for misconduct is disturbing. It is so hard to even fathom what kind of ignorance and stupidly or hatred can brew in people’s hearts to allow such dangerous legislation to occur. 

All signs keep pointing to 1933 and I feel like shutting down and living the rest of our days in peace and I am torn between to continued fight for justice and the removal of a dictator and knowing when to give up. 

If they continue to disregard the public, violence occurs and they just don’t get it. I can’t even imagine having civilians at war against our own government like they do in other places. 

It’s so frustrating but worse, it just makes me sad.  Where is the humanity in all this? 

Do I just surrender and wait it out? With luck in a couple years we can replace the senate and house with a majority of democrats and stop this madness but by the way things seem to be going, the rules are changing without regard for the law in the first place and for SOME reason, nothing can be done and it’s probably because they’re getting death threats or something. 

Idk. All I know is I don’t want to be a part of it. I know what I value and I know I should keep perusing justice but they have shut us out in every way. 

I am scared and they love it but they’re mistaken for thinking that we have no limits to what we can take. People pushed to their limits will lash out and if that happens, there’s no turning back from it. 

People have been pushed constantly for a decade now, on the brink of destruction. There at town halls screaming. They’re afraid of being shot just because they’re black. They’re afraid of being hurt because they’re gay. They’re afraid their kids won’t get a good education or that religion will be pushed on them. 

I am afraid that I won’t know how to protect me kids. I am just one person. 

Please GOD! If you can read, make them go away. Stop them before they can do permanent damage. 

How frustrated I am that we are expected to believe on you but are always, always, always let down. The bad people rule, the good people suffer.  Fucking WHY!!!!?

That’s why I find it difficult to believe you exist and they want to force us to believe in what I can see. 

Life that has no trouble proving that devil exist but is hard pressed to prove that “the good god” does. 

You are to them a beautiful monster. A power giver and life taker, merciless, vile, deceitful. THAT is how you’re portrayed. 

They say you love, they show you hate. They say forgiveness but never forgive. They say compassion but live without compassion. They say YOU and only YOU love or you LOVE them but not us because we don’t believe what they say. 

I struggle deeply wanting and only wanting to believe an all good god can exist but the idea of you as they have made the idea sound appealing is just another lie. 

We die for lies. We get hurt, abused, murdered, harassed, assulted, mistreated, degraded, punished, exiled, humiliated, exploited for the lie and before long, we will all die because of the lie. 

I prayed so many days for peace, love, humanity and in return we get liars. More liars then when I realized that the Bible is a lie and all the things they have forced on people to accept is a lie. And all those people leading churches with love on their lips and vanity in their hearts, all liars. 

But whatever.  They’ll just say, “no, you’re the liar”.  A good heart is weak, god is vengeance.  You must accept or suffer worse fates for eternity. 

Nope. I simply do not subscribe to that sort of bullshit. It’s not love that turns its back on humanity. It is not love that doesn’t listen. It is not love that forces acceptance. 

Jesus sounds great. He does but then again, if I am supposed to accept the Bible or any other religion as true, then knowing something by the fruit it produces tell me that Jesus produced some bad fruit but we have to accept the bad fruit or die, right? 

We are selfish people. Totally not worthy of good. Only the rich people are worthy. Only vile people are worthy. Only those who can destroy the Earth on purpose and for profits, they are worthy.  

It always goes to them. The meek will inherit an Earth depleted of resources and soil and sun and clean water and temperatures we can endure.  The meek inherit a wasteland. 

The rich will never get into heaven.  Sure. Their reward is here. Have the Earth.  Destiny it.  Make people’s lives miserable and surly they will submit. 

Make good people so low that they’ll embrace any sentiment of hope. Deprive them of their nature, there natural instinct to know “God” without ever having to question it, to rationalize it, to prove it, to force it, to die for it, to live for it, to give it a name, to speak for it, to label it, to marginalize it. Nay.  

It didn’t have to be this way but someone’s with sour souls decided that the world should work in their order. 

Angry. I am angry. I wish for love and peace and all I am is angry. Angry at injustice. Angry for all the lives that suffer for this, them, that. All the time wasted on defending against them. 

An entire human race wasted because they say you demand it. 

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